Twice today when people asked me about my weight loss (okay I was bragging about getting my 75lb award at my last Weight Watchers meeting), they said "wow, that's great. It must be so hard!)
Well, no, it really isn't.
Diets ARE hard. Im not on a diet. It would probably be incredibly hard if I knew that at the end of losing this weight I could go back to eating they way I used to. But I'm not doing that.
This is a total lifestyle change for me. From top to bottom, really. And maybe that's why Im not finding it that hard. This is just how I eat now. Lucky for me, I get to lose weight too! Do I always eat "perfectly"? No, but that's not real life, is it? Real life isn't about depriving yourself of everything at every opportunity. Its about picking and chosing when you want to indulge a little and doing it in moderation. Moderation is not a word I was all that familiar with in terms of food. But it's really almost easy to do now. It's kind of scary how easy.
Somebody posed the question "are you interested in this, or are you committed to this". I am committed!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Me vs. The elliptical
So I've gotten over my gym anxiety. At least for the gym I go to, which is a women's only facility. There is still no way in hell I'd walk into a Gold's Gym right now.
But anyway...back to the elliptical. So I kept eyeballing it. I get too bored on the bike, to be honest. But I decided I was just too darn fat to try the elliptical, and certainly everybody would laugh at me if I dared try it. But I wanted to. So I told myself once I get to a certain weight, I would try it then. Might I mention I was still a good 45lbs from that weight.
So as a way to keep myself accountable, I mentioned to my trainer that I wanted to try the elliptical one day, and why I wasnt going to now. We dont do any cardio together, just weight training, so I knew she wouldnt be able to make me do it.
But Mari is slick. (I have to remember what I say around her from now on!) She says "well, you do it when you're ready, but just remember to keep pushing yourself". Oh damn. That was Mari speak for "I dare you". And anybody who knows me knows I cannot walk away from a dare.
Fine. Whatever. Go for the jugular Mari.
So instead of walking to that dreary old recumbent bike, I got on the elliptical. I figured if I could go for 5 minutes I'd be happy. Yeah, I'd been doing cardio for longer than that on other things, but the elliptical finds muscles you never knew you had and makes sure you wont forget, for at least a week, that you have them.
So about three minutes into it, Mari sees me and gets a big ol grin on her face. She asked me how long I wanted to go, I told her five minutes. She says make it six. (By the way Mari, you're off MY clock now, so I don't have to listen to you!) Fine. Whatever. I made it 11 minutes! I was rather pleased.
So that was right before Thanksgiving.
This morning, and on Saturday, I did the elliptical. FOR AN HOUR. Oh yeah, one solid glorious hour!! I know to some people that's not a big deal. But I'd been working towards that and was so happy on Saturday when I did it. And Im not goin that slowly, either.
So this gym and working out thing. A few months ago, I was living by "Just Do It". Now I'm living by "Farther, faster, stronger, better". Who knew!?!
But anyway...back to the elliptical. So I kept eyeballing it. I get too bored on the bike, to be honest. But I decided I was just too darn fat to try the elliptical, and certainly everybody would laugh at me if I dared try it. But I wanted to. So I told myself once I get to a certain weight, I would try it then. Might I mention I was still a good 45lbs from that weight.
So as a way to keep myself accountable, I mentioned to my trainer that I wanted to try the elliptical one day, and why I wasnt going to now. We dont do any cardio together, just weight training, so I knew she wouldnt be able to make me do it.
But Mari is slick. (I have to remember what I say around her from now on!) She says "well, you do it when you're ready, but just remember to keep pushing yourself". Oh damn. That was Mari speak for "I dare you". And anybody who knows me knows I cannot walk away from a dare.
Fine. Whatever. Go for the jugular Mari.
So instead of walking to that dreary old recumbent bike, I got on the elliptical. I figured if I could go for 5 minutes I'd be happy. Yeah, I'd been doing cardio for longer than that on other things, but the elliptical finds muscles you never knew you had and makes sure you wont forget, for at least a week, that you have them.
So about three minutes into it, Mari sees me and gets a big ol grin on her face. She asked me how long I wanted to go, I told her five minutes. She says make it six. (By the way Mari, you're off MY clock now, so I don't have to listen to you!) Fine. Whatever. I made it 11 minutes! I was rather pleased.
So that was right before Thanksgiving.
This morning, and on Saturday, I did the elliptical. FOR AN HOUR. Oh yeah, one solid glorious hour!! I know to some people that's not a big deal. But I'd been working towards that and was so happy on Saturday when I did it. And Im not goin that slowly, either.
So this gym and working out thing. A few months ago, I was living by "Just Do It". Now I'm living by "Farther, faster, stronger, better". Who knew!?!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
What I hate more than mirrors and cameras?
Is going to a new doctor.
I had the most awesome doctor in California. He never made me feel like the cause of everything, including colds, was because I was fat. He never nagged me. He didn't ignore it, and brought it up when need be, but he never nagged me or made me feel like I wasn't worth his time and if I would just lose weight, my allergies would go away.
But Im in Texas now.
I found a doctor who I like here, and he's pretty cool that way too. Course it probably helped that on my first visit with him I'd already lost 40lbs and was there because I injured my foot exercising. Now his physician's assistant, on the other hand, I don't like. I avoid her. She was dripping with disdain for me and my fat and without a word handed me a diet plan. Bite me, you skinny bitch.
I see him again in a few weeks, and I hope to be at 75lbs total lost by then.
But tomorrow Im going for my yearly torture session to let somebody go spelunking into my woman parts. That sucks as it is. But it sucks even more when you're anticipating the whole weight talk. Im going to the gym after and thinking of showing up in my workout clothes. But maybe that's stupid.
I just have to remember, whatever their attitude is, that I know what I've accomplished.
I had the most awesome doctor in California. He never made me feel like the cause of everything, including colds, was because I was fat. He never nagged me. He didn't ignore it, and brought it up when need be, but he never nagged me or made me feel like I wasn't worth his time and if I would just lose weight, my allergies would go away.
But Im in Texas now.
I found a doctor who I like here, and he's pretty cool that way too. Course it probably helped that on my first visit with him I'd already lost 40lbs and was there because I injured my foot exercising. Now his physician's assistant, on the other hand, I don't like. I avoid her. She was dripping with disdain for me and my fat and without a word handed me a diet plan. Bite me, you skinny bitch.
I see him again in a few weeks, and I hope to be at 75lbs total lost by then.
But tomorrow Im going for my yearly torture session to let somebody go spelunking into my woman parts. That sucks as it is. But it sucks even more when you're anticipating the whole weight talk. Im going to the gym after and thinking of showing up in my workout clothes. But maybe that's stupid.
I just have to remember, whatever their attitude is, that I know what I've accomplished.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I feel so fat....
Well, I guess that's to be expected, considering I AM fat!
But this week I have just felt the fat, gross feeling I had before I started Weight Watchers. I look in the mirror, and whatever progress I had been seeing, I didnt see this week. All I saw was fat. I probably should have taken pictures when I started and as I progressed. Maybe I'll start that now. But when you're as fat as me, you tend to do everything in your power to avoid having your picture taken.
So I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I feel this way right now. It could be hormonal. It IS that time. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that, like I avoided cameras before I started losing weight, I avoided mirrors. Full length mirrors in particular. And now Im looking in the mirror a lot more, trying to see the differences. Problem is, even with 70 pounds gone, Im still really fat. So that's what I see.
I also think it has something to do with the fact that I've had small losses at the scale the last two weeks. Which is unusual for me since I switched to Core. I feel like I've lost some 'umph' or something. I keep reminding myself that though they may be small, they ARE losses...and over the holidays no less. I have lost every single week over the holiday season, starting with Halloween. So why am I disappointed?
And I think part of it has to do with the fact that aside from the random cashier at Hobby Lobby, nobody else has noticed my weight loss (or said anything about it). That of course doesn't count my mother and my good friend at work who know what Im doing. But Im partly convinced they're just saying what they know I want to hear. How can nobody notice 70 pounds?
So let's stop and assess the reality. Whatever I feel like I look like, or whatever anybody else notices or doesnt, I have LOST 70 lbs. I am working out regularly, and hard. I am able to lift more and go longer every week. I have accomplished a lot. I just need to realize it's not always going to feel so warm and fuzzy. And that's okay, as long as I don't let that be my license to stray from the path to health.
But this week I have just felt the fat, gross feeling I had before I started Weight Watchers. I look in the mirror, and whatever progress I had been seeing, I didnt see this week. All I saw was fat. I probably should have taken pictures when I started and as I progressed. Maybe I'll start that now. But when you're as fat as me, you tend to do everything in your power to avoid having your picture taken.
So I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I feel this way right now. It could be hormonal. It IS that time. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that, like I avoided cameras before I started losing weight, I avoided mirrors. Full length mirrors in particular. And now Im looking in the mirror a lot more, trying to see the differences. Problem is, even with 70 pounds gone, Im still really fat. So that's what I see.
I also think it has something to do with the fact that I've had small losses at the scale the last two weeks. Which is unusual for me since I switched to Core. I feel like I've lost some 'umph' or something. I keep reminding myself that though they may be small, they ARE losses...and over the holidays no less. I have lost every single week over the holiday season, starting with Halloween. So why am I disappointed?
And I think part of it has to do with the fact that aside from the random cashier at Hobby Lobby, nobody else has noticed my weight loss (or said anything about it). That of course doesn't count my mother and my good friend at work who know what Im doing. But Im partly convinced they're just saying what they know I want to hear. How can nobody notice 70 pounds?
So let's stop and assess the reality. Whatever I feel like I look like, or whatever anybody else notices or doesnt, I have LOST 70 lbs. I am working out regularly, and hard. I am able to lift more and go longer every week. I have accomplished a lot. I just need to realize it's not always going to feel so warm and fuzzy. And that's okay, as long as I don't let that be my license to stray from the path to health.
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