Another Milestone, and more pictures!

FINALLY! I finally hit the 125lb mark! Actually 126.8! It seems like this 25 pounds has taken an exceptionally long time, even though the inches have been coming off steadily.

So here are pictures. My before pic and the current pics. I'm still working on the slide show to include the new pictures. It's being fussy. (Or it's operator error. Let's go with fussy!)

Starting out:




And now:

Next Goal: I want to be a bad ass!

Okay I have to give credit where credit is due. My WW friend joined a gym yesterday. This is huge for her. HUGE! And not only did she join a gym, she signed up for some sessions with a personal trainer! When she was asked what her fitness goal was, she said "I want to be a bad ass."

Okay my goal to bench press my friend Esperanza (who I'm only 5lbs away from, by the way) is nice and all, but that's so much better! I did ask for permission to borrow that as a goal! I can't wait to tell my trainer!

I want to be a bad ass! I want people to look at me and think "that girl is hard core!"

I know it's silly, but that's what I want!

Welcome to Real Life

I sometimes feel like I'm living in a dieting bubble. (Yes, I know I'm not dieting, but sometimes it's just the easiest word to use.) I have control over my environment 99% of the time. I'm able to eat how I want, when I want. I have no trouble fitting in exercise. That's in my little bubble.
So what happens when I come outside the bubble? I've only done it a couple of times and it obviously hasn't derailed me. And it won't this time. But, I'll be stepping right outside that bubble and into a set of circumstances that will be the most challenging to date. However, I have tools. I have goals. And I have drive.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can do the absolute very best I know how with these tools but there's a good chance I wont maintain a perfect Core eating plan. I'm going to give it my best, though.

And so what if I don't? I have to know how to succeed outside the bubble for this to be a forever thing. It's scary to think of not having complete control, but that's real life!

The Fat Girl is not going to win!

Today I mentioned to my friend at work that she needed to kick my butt. I didn't want to go to the gym.
Now mind you, Wednesdays are not normally gym days for me. And neither are Mondays. But I went on Monday for 45 minutes of cardio. And I had a headache that day. See this week I wanted to do a gym blitz. Go every day (except Friday, when I fully hope to be drinking beer with cute boys!) I just wanted to kick it up a notch this week, plus have a place to channel my nervous energy.
So this afternoon when I saw my friend and again mentioned I didnt want to go to the gym, she said to me "If you don't go, then the fat girl wins."
Hmmm....
Well no way in hell is that going to happen. Not on MY watch.
So she also suggested I increase the incline for the high and low intensity segments. Well, you know me...(Karen for sure knows what's coming next!) That was basically throwing down the gauntlet. So I not only increased the incline, I added quite a bit more resistance. And did 5 minutes longer than I planned. Not that that's any big deal.
It's just that the fat girl was not going to win.

The fat girl isn't winning at the gym. And she's not going to win in the battle for my self esteem, either. She was getting close to it yesterday. Those awful "I'm good for nothing" thoughts that have haunted me for so long.
So bear with me. I'm going to list what I like about myself.

I have a great personality (usually!). I'm funny and upbeat. I'm get along well with most people. I've been told I make them feel comfortable and I'm easy to talk to. I'm genuine. Not one for false pretenses. What you see is what you get. I'm a straight talker. I say what I mean and mean what I say.

I'm a caring person. I would give anybody the shirt off my back or help in anyway they asked. If I recognize the need I try to offer the help before they even ask. I'm a nurturing person.

Physically I'm not where I want to be, of course. But I have a nice smile. And my eyes aren't so bad, either.

Okay that wasn't really as hard as I thought!

Negative Attitude

I feel very negative today...about everything. I know this is a dangerous way to feel, but right now I can't shake it very much. I really don't know where it's coming from, either.

I feel like my efforts to workout aren't good enough. I feel like I'm not capable of anything challenging. I feel like I don't have much to offer. I want to turn this around so I'm going to try the "fake it til you make it" approach, but I can't really say I believe it. Not today. Not at this moment.

Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day. Because I say so.

What if?

What if I ask and he says no?

Okay, if I ask the guy out and he says no, it just means he's not interested, right? Not necessarily because I'm fat, could be anything. It doesn't mean I'm less of a person than I was the millisecond before I asked him. It doesn't change who I am. It doesn't make me worthless, or any fatter or any uglier. And it doesn't mean I will never find a great guy. It just means this wasn't in the cards and life goes on, right? (Of course it could also means he's a total idiot and has no idea what he's passing up, right? Just kidding!)

I'm starting to feel bold.

The scary thing would be, what if he says YES?