If I had set out to predict what 2009 would have held in store for me, I would have had about 90% of it wrong. I'm not in the business of predicting the future, though, and that's a good thing. Good and bad, I like the surprise. Part of life's beauty of lies in the wonderment of it all. At least it does for me.
At one point I thought this year had broken me. But it didn't. I have a strict policy against regret. I see no point. You can't change what's done, but you can learn from it. I hope I learned the lessons I needed to this year.
The scariest lesson of all, sadly, was just how easy it is to lose that grasp on the self confidence I have been trying to build. It was almost ripped completely away. Almost. And I didn't even see it happening until it was almost completely gone. I'll be honest. It was bullied away. But I let it happen by making excuses and trying to do not the right thing, but the thing that would end up with the least amount of grief for everybody. Everybody but me. I am thankful for the wonderful friends who, despite wanting to smack me for letting it go on the way it did, stood by me.
And then there was the scale. That doesn't need a replay. Between the plateau and The Creep, I let enough self doubt slip back in to just coast a little too much. I see it, now the ship is turning around and heading back on course.
I woke up sad today. Reflecting back on this year I feel like I didn't gain much ground. I'm no closer to my final fitness goal than I was a year ago. But on the other hand, I'm no farther away.
The best part of all if it is that I'm the one who get's to decide what 2010 is going to bring in terms of personal growth and achievement. I looked down at my ankle this afternoon. The ankle with the permanent reminder that I am far stronger than I often give myself credit for being. I let some predator and some stupid scale make me forget that I have the power to achieve whatever I want. 2009 is over. And so is that way of thinking.
May 2010 be all that you make it to be!
"Things come to those who wait...but only those things left by those who hustle." --Abraham Lincoln
Go out and hustle for what you want! It's your year!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Influence
in⋅flu⋅ence [in-floo-uhns] noun, verb
noun
1. the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others: He used family influence to get the contract.
2. the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others: Her mother's influence made her stay.
3. a person or thing that exerts influence: He is an influence for the good.
So many people have influenced me. Some in big ways, some in very small ways. Not all positively. Most of them never set out to have an impact, they just did.
The idea of me setting out to put myself in a position to have an impact on people is strange. Intimidating. It's really a foreign concept to me. I always picture myself as gliding through life without leaving much of a fingerprint.
One person. If I can have an influence on just one person, I'll have accomplished my ultimate goal. That's not too lofty, is it?
noun
1. the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others: He used family influence to get the contract.
2. the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others: Her mother's influence made her stay.
3. a person or thing that exerts influence: He is an influence for the good.
So many people have influenced me. Some in big ways, some in very small ways. Not all positively. Most of them never set out to have an impact, they just did.
The idea of me setting out to put myself in a position to have an impact on people is strange. Intimidating. It's really a foreign concept to me. I always picture myself as gliding through life without leaving much of a fingerprint.
One person. If I can have an influence on just one person, I'll have accomplished my ultimate goal. That's not too lofty, is it?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Waiting on perfection
I'm always the one who says "perfect = boring". I don't ever want to be perfect. I'm flawed and I embrace that.
But while I may not be striving for perfection, I am guilty of holding off on some things until I am closer to perfection than not. One of the scary things to me about that is how easy it is for good enough to never be good enough. And I may say I'm not striving for perfection, but there is always more to attain. Constantly working towards a better goal is fine, except when I'm convincing myself life has to be put on hold until that happens.
I would never, ever encourage anybody else to do that. But the clarity I have in seeing the potential in other people sometimes is a cloudy, smudged up lens when I look within myself.
Really, it's just another way to make it easier to stay in my comfort zone. Looks like it's time for a push. No, make that a shove.
But while I may not be striving for perfection, I am guilty of holding off on some things until I am closer to perfection than not. One of the scary things to me about that is how easy it is for good enough to never be good enough. And I may say I'm not striving for perfection, but there is always more to attain. Constantly working towards a better goal is fine, except when I'm convincing myself life has to be put on hold until that happens.
I would never, ever encourage anybody else to do that. But the clarity I have in seeing the potential in other people sometimes is a cloudy, smudged up lens when I look within myself.
Really, it's just another way to make it easier to stay in my comfort zone. Looks like it's time for a push. No, make that a shove.
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