Friday, June 27, 2008

Putting my life on hold...

The fat girl is still holding me back.
My body may look different, but the same thoughts still occupy my brain in a lot of ways.
I still struggle with thinking I'm not good enough, because of what I look like, that I repulse people. I question why somebody would want to be my friend. I don't even believe that they would, regardless of what they say. So I do my usual and go running right back into my shell.

And I don't even have the confidence to SMILE at the cute guy at work. No way. I'm sure the response I'll get is him laughing in my face. I look in the mirror and I don't think I'm hideous, but I think thats what the rest of the world thinks. And I don't know how to break out of this way of thinking.


  1. I think that goes away with time but it will always haunt you. I've noticed that as I loose weight I get more and more confident but that doesn't keep those thoughts from creeping in. I'm a pretty quiet person too for that reason. I think once you're done getting to where you want to be you can begin to work on the mental part of changing that way. But it's one step at a time.

  2. Truer words have never been spoken! It doesn't matter what size I am or much weight I lose, I will always see the chubby girl staring back at me in the mirror! Currently, I'm a size 6 and fitting into some 4s but I still see that size 14/16 girl...Why is that??? Why does it take so long to for those negative thoughts to disapate (sp?)????

  3. You are a very successful woman. When I first met you, I envied you - you had your own home - in an expensive area - you had a good career, you are funnier than heck - and you always come across as so strong and confident - well, almost always! But I know you have it in you - I see you do it, you just need to tap into that, know what it feels like when you're there, and hang on for the ride baby!