Sunday, December 27, 2009

Reflecting on 2009

If I had set out to predict what 2009 would have held in store for me, I would have had about 90% of it wrong. I'm not in the business of predicting the future, though, and that's a good thing. Good and bad, I like the surprise. Part of life's beauty of lies in the wonderment of it all. At least it does for me.

At one point I thought this year had broken me. But it didn't. I have a strict policy against regret. I see no point. You can't change what's done, but you can learn from it. I hope I learned the lessons I needed to this year.

The scariest lesson of all, sadly, was just how easy it is to lose that grasp on the self confidence I have been trying to build. It was almost ripped completely away. Almost. And I didn't even see it happening until it was almost completely gone. I'll be honest. It was bullied away. But I let it happen by making excuses and trying to do not the right thing, but the thing that would end up with the least amount of grief for everybody. Everybody but me. I am thankful for the wonderful friends who, despite wanting to smack me for letting it go on the way it did, stood by me.

And then there was the scale. That doesn't need a replay. Between the plateau and The Creep, I let enough self doubt slip back in to just coast a little too much. I see it, now the ship is turning around and heading back on course.

I woke up sad today. Reflecting back on this year I feel like I didn't gain much ground. I'm no closer to my final fitness goal than I was a year ago. But on the other hand, I'm no farther away.

The best part of all if it is that I'm the one who get's to decide what 2010 is going to bring in terms of personal growth and achievement. I looked down at my ankle this afternoon. The ankle with the permanent reminder that I am far stronger than I often give myself credit for being. I let some predator and some stupid scale make me forget that I have the power to achieve whatever I want. 2009 is over. And so is that way of thinking.

May 2010 be all that you make it to be!

"Things come to those who wait...but only those things left by those who hustle." --Abraham Lincoln

Go out and hustle for what you want! It's your year!

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