I believe now, more than ever, that to be successful at this I have to be in it, mind, body and soul.
For the last year, my body has been in it...I have kept up the workouts. My mind has been mostly in it. Well really it has been fully in it. I have not ever just checked out and started with the mindless eating that got me here in the first place. I might not have always made the best or healthiest choices, but I knew what I was choosing and did it anyway. I've planned ahead, kept up with taking healthy food to work rather than rely on fast food garbage.
What was missing with my soul. My soul hasn't not been in the game AT ALL. I've let the old demons creep back in. I'm not worth it, so why bother? Of course this is not something I consciously said to myself. I didn't just wake up one day and decide whatever self-worth I'd managed to dig up was just a sham. Little things (and some big things) built on each other. But I didn't notice at first, when I may have been able to nip it in the bud. It's like the frog in the bathtub analogy: if I frog hops in a boiling bathtub he'll recognize it's too hot and jump back out. If he sits in a tub of tepid water that increases by x degrees a little bit at a time, he'll sit there until he cooks. (I didn't create that analogy, so don't blame me if you hate it!)
Pardon my language, but SCREW THAT! I AM worth it.
So this week, I decided to really get back into the game. Mind, body and soul.
My mid-week assessment:
I have upped my workouts for the week, including getting to the gym at 5:30am (and I'm on vacation!);
I have written down every thing that has gone into my mouth and counted the points;
I have been aware of the tiny little voice that waits in the background to pounce at my moments of weakness.
And most importantly, yesterday I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. And realized it's been a long time since I've done that.
Is the scale going to reflect all this on Saturday? I don't know. I pretty much don't care. (I do care a little.) But whatever it says, I know exactly where I am now and where I'm going from here.