Monday, March 8, 2010

My reality....

I'm going to talk about that whole "inspiration" thing again. Mainly because tonight, I feel a little bit raw about the whole topic.

Mostly, I feel like a fraud. Last year's plateau truly started as a plateau, and evolved in to something else. That's no secret. And it wasn't JUST the plateau that brought me to my figurative knees. That's also no secret. What is a secret? I was very, very close to giving up altogether. I never told anybody. I had a hard time admitting it to myself. My spirit checked out. I started to struggle again with the old beliefs about myself. What is so inspirational about that? Not asking for help when you need it? Absolutely NOTHING inspirational about that. Letting what other's think about me matter more than what I think about me? Complete crap.

So I didn't give up and held on by a thread. So I'm choosing to stay and fight for what I want. That is nothing special. People do that every day.

What I do is no big deal. Nothing anybody couldn't do if they just decided to do it and put in the work. THAT is the reality, period. I DO NOTHING SPECTACULAR. Save the label of "inspirational" for people who make a big impact on the world around them. People who came from extremely humble beginnings but fought with everything they had to get where they are, then use what they've achieved to help make the world a better place for others. Oprah is an inspiration. Nelson Mandela is an inspiration. Bill Gates is an inspiration. Mother Teresa is an inspiration.
I will not dare consider myself anywhere near their level. Period. And that's what I think about being called inspirational.

If somebody looks at what I've done and says "hey, I can do that too" and uses it as a jumping off point for their journey, wonderful. But the true inspiration isn't me. It's the person making the choice.

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