I'm pretty hard on myself. Actually, I'm usually excruciatingly hard on myself. I can mentally beat myself up far better than anybody else has ever tried (and trust me, I've had plenty try.)
I was put on "restriction" this week. From the gym. Well from doing any kind of working out other than walking and stretching/yoga. I think this is my third time on restriction. And none of those times could I do it for myself. Even though, especially this time around, I knew I needed a break. I'd be talking about taking an 'easy' week for over a month. Did I do it? No. I have a hard time allowing myself the rest my body (and my mind) was screaming for. But in my mind, I HAVE to be hard on myself, even if it's not the best thing to do, because the minute I'm not pushing as hard as I can is the minute people are going to start raising an eyebrow and assuming "well, that's it. She could only go so far, but she was destined to not make it." I know everybody doesn't think that way. But trust me, some people do. There are people who are just waiting for me to fail. I know that. And I don't even care. If I succeed or fail is none of their concern and won't make a damn bit of difference in their lives. And trust me, I am QUITE WELL AWARE of the statistics for long term success in weight loss. I consider it a challenge. And I remind myself of those statistics close to daily. It keeps me on my toes.
So I did nothing but walk and yoga for a week. (Well, except for getting the idea stuck in my head that I needed to run up and down the hills of the drainage ditch over and over, but still...!) I still lost two pounds. Earth didn't fall out of orbit. Yes, I had people commenting about my absence from gym classes, but so what.
I was overtraining. Sounds a little bit odd for me to say that. You think Lance Armstrong or elite Olympic gymnasts overtrain. Not middle aged obese women.
But I work out hard, usually 6 days a week. The week I went home, I crammed the same amount of workout time into 4 days. I'm not young. I've put my body through a lot the last few years. I was not allowing proper recovery time.
Usually I listen to Karen on this anyway, but after my temper tantrum in spin (over my heart rate. Yes, seriously) I knew I was on a downward spiral if I didn't take a break. I was beginning to hate spin. And I LOVE spin. The overtraining was physically and emotionally taking its toll.
So now my goal is to find a little more balance. I'll be leaving for spin soon. First time since the tantrum. I'm not even sure if I will be taking the heart rate monitor today. I think I need to spend my first week off restriction working on the balance.
And, in the future, I need to be better about giving myself a break.