Monday, April 14, 2008

Time for a little reflection...

Today marks exactly 11 months since I started with Weight Watchers. (I suppose I should reflect on this at the one year mark, but I've been thinking about this quite a bit the last few days).

I was reflecting back on what that year has been like for me. I really want to hit the 100 pounds lost mark by a year, but it may not happen. This surgery has slowed things way down at the scale. And I am really okay with it, because there isn't a damn thing I can do. So without the scale number changing much recently, I started to think about how I've done at this, numbers aside.

In the past 11 months, I have not binged. Period. Not once. Have I eaten beyond my points here and there? Yes. But nothing went into my mouth without me thinking about it first. Like the Shipley's Donut. (Boy are those good! I wish I'd never tried one!) I thought about it, knew I had the points to work it in to my week, thought about why I wanted to eat it, and didnt just shovel it in. That's what I would have done in the past. Eat first, maybe think later. Or more likely eat first and block it all out and never think about it. In the past 11 months NOTHING has gone in my mouth because of emotions. Once or twice I have been tempted, but I was able to stop and think about it first, and those times I chose to NOT eat.

Whatever the scale says, I can barely comprehend the hugeness of that accomplishment. I have so many years of eating out of sadness, boredom, anger, happiness, you name it. And just piling the food in until it hurt.

Do I believe I'll never binge again in my life? I probably will. Food is an addiction for people like me. Unfortunately it's not like drugs or alcohol that you never have to have again. You have to have food. (You don't have to have Twinkies, however!) This is going to be something I'll have to work at for the rest of my life. But I've done it for a year, and it has really just become second nature to eat reasonably that it gives me confidence that I CAN do this for the rest of my life.

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