I have wanted to post about this for awhile, but honestly I'm hesitant.
As much as I hate being judged based on my appearance, I know it's a fact of life. And I do it, too. We all do it, like it or not.
But why I feel so bad about a recent encounter, is because it may seem that my decision was based entirely on physical appearance, but it wasn't. As far as dating/relationships, I am not looking for perfection, physical or otherwise. But when the physical appearance is a symptom of a lifestyle that would not be conducive to the life I'm trying to live, I just don't think it's something I need to pursue. I don't even know if that makes sense. When you look at me, yes I'm heavy. But that's temporary. As my Weight Watchers leader says "we are fit and healthy people in the fat burning mode" and that's exactly what I am.
Case in point, I just did a workout with Karen yesterday that literally kicked my butt. (After the session I just sat on the floor for about ten minutes before my cardio funk class started.) And you know what? I know lots of thin people who could not have done what I did with Karen, let alone followed up by an hour long aerobics class. But people who don't know me or know what I do would just assume I spent the evening on the couch with a bag of Oreos.
I guess what I don't want is somebody who has a weight problem and in the phase of their life where they aren't not ready to work on it. Which is fine for them. But it sends red flags up for how it would impact MY journey. I don't want to get derailed.
So does that maybe me a hypocrite? I can't get over that feeling...