I gotta admit, one of the biggest irritations for me is when people tell say 'don't feel that way'. I really want to reply with "Screw you. I AM entitled to feel however I damn well please, whether or not it's rational, reasonable or acceptable."
I've had a mixed bag of a week. On the bright side, my running is coming along, at least on the treadmill. And that doesn't really count. Have some work to do to get ready for the Christmas Mile with my nephews. (Oh, the back story. So yeah, since I've been fat pretty much forever, I've never run for any length of time. So I thought I'd give it a try. Then my back went out. Now my back is on the mend and I've been trying this running thing. I want to run my first full mile, without stopping, with my nephews Eric and Nick when I go home for Christmas. Granted, a mile is no big deal. Well, let me rephrase. To everybody else it's no big deal. To me, it's a big deal. I'm still a pretty big girl, after all.)
The only other highlight of the week was attending the grand opening of a retail space for my BFF Jessica's business. It's her dream. Watching her dream happen has been very much my privilege. If you want the best chocolately goodness to exist in reality, check out www.objectsofconfection.com.
The rest of my week? My own dream seems to be slipping away. Long story short, I am now completely unable to get any confirmation about starting as a part time trainer at my gym in January as previously discussed with the owner. I'm not being told it's changed. I'm being told NOTHING. And I have a very bad feeling about that. And before you tell me that's not the only gym in town, let me just say, I know that. I'm not stupid. I also know that at present (present being an obese middle aged woman), a snowball would indeed have a better chance in Hell. Let's just all be real and on the same page with that. Please.
So it makes me question myself, my new website, my whole purpose. As my friend Jessica says, I tend to cave in on myself. Yeah, that's true. I do that, and then I bounce back. But right now, I'm worn down. I really feel like I have little emotional energy. Basically I have NO emotional energy. I don't know how to find the recharge. And tomorrow, for reasons of optimism I don't fully understand, I'm going to have a friend help me film an 'about me' video blog for the new website. And the one thing I need is energy.
I just feel lost, alone and adrift.
Oh but hey...fruit is now free.