Last Sunday I had dinner with my mother at Pei Wei. Of course you have to read your fortune, even if you don't eat the cookie! Boy did that fortune come at the right time.
"You don't have to know where you're going to be headed in the right direction."
That may sound like a generic fortune, but in the time that the idea of a website/facebook presence, etc has been brewing in my head, I've been plagued by thoughts of how to do it, what exactly to do, where do I start, etc. I've decided those thoughts are the result of three main things. 1)I'm not a techie. At all. I have lots of ideas, and limited knowledge on how to make them real. Or virtual. :)
2) I'm a planner. It's a good and bad trait to have. I like to know what's going to happen and when. I don't fly by the seat of my pants very well. So the thought of going into this endeavor with sort of 'obtuse' ideas is a little unnerving for me.
3) Doing this confirms the huge changes in my life, in a public way, however big or small the audience. The idea of that brings that girl who controlled me (you know, the girl who felt worthless, hopeless and helpless) screaming from the recesses of my brain, challenging who I think I am that I have any business with this kind of thing.
Although excited with the possibilities, I spent week of overwhelming doubt about my abilities, direction and purpose. To the point where I felt a little bit paralyzed. On Friday a book fell into my hands that literally laid out a road map for exactly what I'd like to do. I did not buy this book. I wasn't searching for this book. Somebody else determined I should have this book, and strangely I don't even think they realize exactly how perfectly it fits my plan. Chalk that one up to fate. And smart friends. Then came Sunday's fortune. "You don't have to know where you're going to be headed in the right direction."
To me, that said "Just start. It will fall into place. Don't stay still. Just start the momentum."
As scary as that is, I can look back at when I start Weight Watchers. I had absolutely NO CLUE that Saturday that I would end up here: a certified personal trainer, a person who enjoys pushing herself physically, a person who has changed her very core beliefs about herself. I just thought I'd try to lose some weight! But here I am!
And here I go. One step at a time!