I got an email alert that I had a new comment, from a new follower. For a moment I thought, 'oh yeah, I have a blog'. I really didn't forget.
The truth is, emotionally I had a setback. All because the training gig didn't work out. And, as it turns out, it really had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with the business practices of a few people. I'll do my best to keep that to myself. But I will say that although it wasn't about me, the way they handled it was infuriating. But, as it turns out, that's how they handle everything. And sadly, the gym that I cared so much about and wanted so much to "give back" to other members, is a shell of what it once was. It's all very sad to me.
At any rate, in my mind, becoming a working personal trainer was what would make me "legit". It's what would validate my success. At least to me. So when it didn't happen, I really struggled (even more than usual) to think of myself as a success. So I have don't nothing with my website. I've just been trudging along.
The good news is, I'm to the point where I can call my 'BS' on myself. I've lost 177lbs. I am not going to allow one disappointment to make me feel like I have nothing to say or share.
I'm not fully back to "take on the world" status, but I'm getting there. One step at a time. I'm content to believe that everything happens how it's supposed to, and it the time it's supposed to happen. For whatever reason, I'm not supposed to be a trainer right now. And I'm okay with that.
I did take another step out of the comfort zone by signing up for a 5k. I've done them before, but walking. This time, I hope to run the whole thing. Well, run slowly, but run. Unfortunately, I've got a lot riding on this in terms of my mental well being, but I'm pretty sure that I can do it physically. It's my tendency to cave in on myself mentally that will be the huge obstacle.
Doing it "alone" is terrifying. But I've found a way to bring some of my biggest supporters along with music. Maybe I should make my own t-shirt and have some of them sign it?