Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I feel so fat....

Well, I guess that's to be expected, considering I AM fat!
But this week I have just felt the fat, gross feeling I had before I started Weight Watchers. I look in the mirror, and whatever progress I had been seeing, I didnt see this week. All I saw was fat. I probably should have taken pictures when I started and as I progressed. Maybe I'll start that now. But when you're as fat as me, you tend to do everything in your power to avoid having your picture taken.
So I'm trying to get to the bottom of why I feel this way right now. It could be hormonal. It IS that time. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that, like I avoided cameras before I started losing weight, I avoided mirrors. Full length mirrors in particular. And now Im looking in the mirror a lot more, trying to see the differences. Problem is, even with 70 pounds gone, Im still really fat. So that's what I see.
I also think it has something to do with the fact that I've had small losses at the scale the last two weeks. Which is unusual for me since I switched to Core. I feel like I've lost some 'umph' or something. I keep reminding myself that though they may be small, they ARE losses...and over the holidays no less. I have lost every single week over the holiday season, starting with Halloween. So why am I disappointed?
And I think part of it has to do with the fact that aside from the random cashier at Hobby Lobby, nobody else has noticed my weight loss (or said anything about it). That of course doesn't count my mother and my good friend at work who know what Im doing. But Im partly convinced they're just saying what they know I want to hear. How can nobody notice 70 pounds?
So let's stop and assess the reality. Whatever I feel like I look like, or whatever anybody else notices or doesnt, I have LOST 70 lbs. I am working out regularly, and hard. I am able to lift more and go longer every week. I have accomplished a lot. I just need to realize it's not always going to feel so warm and fuzzy. And that's okay, as long as I don't let that be my license to stray from the path to health.

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    I found your blog through the WW boards. I just started WW last week and even if no one else notices, I just wanted to let you know that I am doing a happy dance, complete with jazz hands for you!