"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." --Eleanor Roosevelt
So today at my weekly Weight Watchers weigh in, I hit another five pound milestone. For each five pounds you lose, you get little stars. They may be silly little stars, but I live for them. I work for each and every one of them. At the end of the meeting we do celebrations, where the leader announces people who earn stars and other milestones.
So my name is at the end because she goes from lowest to highest. After she says my name, she pauses, and in that pause I heard several what could only be described as gasps of exasperation or disgust. It's hard to type out the sound, but you know what Im talking about. I tried desperately in the next seconds to convince myself I really didnt hear that, I just imagined it. (But it was more than one person, I'd say three, maybe four.) My leader stops dead in her tracks, turns around to the side of the room they all seemed to come from and says "what was THAT about?" I wanted to crawl under my chair. I have done nothing to these people. I'm not a meetings monopolizer. I share in the meeting from time to time, but I dont dominate by any stretch of the imagination.
After the meeting one of the people (and until she did, I had no idea who they were who did it) came and said "don't read anything into that, its just we hear your name all the time". I just nodded politely.
Yes, you do hear my name a lot. Because I work hard. I work my ass off to get those stars. I will not apologize for my success, even if it makes somebody else uncomfortable.
But I was hurt. I went to the gym and my trainer came over to ask how I did and I just started crying. I stopped the tears and worked out. Hard. Im not going to revert to eating my feelings, Im going to use that energy to work even harder.
Nobody can make me feel bad about myself without my permission. I don't give them permission. You may bend me a little, but you can't break me.