It's not that I think Im some beautiful thing now, not at all. But I don't really even know what they shape of my face is. It's always been round. But now it's looking like it might end up to be a little bit heart shaped. I have never been at anything remotely close to a healthy weight since I was about 6, so I just have no idea what I look like. And let me be blatantly honest here. As much as I am doing this for my health and to have a better quality of life, I'm just as much doing it for my appearance. (And anybody who says they are not losing weight at least in part for their appearance is full of crap.) So what if after all the fat falls from my face, I'm ugly? I would be lying if I didn't admit to thinking about that.
And not just my face. I'm worried about saggy skin, too. I know it's healthier to have saggy skin then taut skin filled with fat, but I also think as much as fat is not attractive to many men, neither will be loads of skin hanging off me. What if I can't have the surgery?
These are my real fears. I'm not going to let them stop me, but they are there in the back of my head. Not always the back of my head, either. I know better than to live my life worried about the 'what-ifs', so I'll do my best to not worry about what I don't know for sure I'll have to actually worry about. That's a waste of energy.
But it's there.