Friday, October 24, 2008

Welcome to the Freak Show

Honestly, I often feel like a Freak Show. I know from recent discussions with two people that I'm not alone in this.

Here's the thing... People are watching me. That's rather disconcerting to somebody who spent years trying to be invisible. And the thing is, I put an ENORMOUS amount of pressure on myself to be successful, every week. I will freely admit to being unbearably hard on myself in that regard. I don't really need or want the added pressure of knowing I'm doing this in front of an overly-attentive audience.

And what is with the people who have essentially blown off my attempts at saying hello and refusing to return my smile for months, suddenly deciding (after I've abandoned the aforementioned attempts) to walk up to me and let the first thing they EVER say to me be "Wow how much weight have you lost?" While I can appreciate they are curious, it's a tiny bit rude, is it not? "Hello, how are you, you're looking good" would be a nicer start. So yeah, I sometimes feel like the bearded lady. A circus side show freak. What bothers me the most is that I feel like my weight loss has become, to some people, the sum total of who I am. I hate that. My success with this no more completely defines me as a person than being the fat girl did. I am SO much more than that.

And let's talk about how everybody has a damn opinion about what I'm doing or not doing and feels like they owe it to me to share it? Things I hear all the time from various people: "You workout too much." "You need to workout more." "You don't eat enough." "Why are you eating that?" "Wow you shop for new clothes a lot." "You're clothes are too big." Seriously. For everything somebody says, I've got somebody else who will say the opposite. For those of you who know me well, and know what I do regularly, mainly Jessica, this does not apply to you. You're basing your opinion on the pretty intimate knowledge of what I actually do. For everybody else who says it based on the very small glimpse they have into my routine, may I just say, BUGGER THE HELL OFF. I do not really want your editorial on how I'm doing. I'm sorry if that's a bitchy thing to say, but I don't. You're not experts. Really. I'm not either, but dammit I've lost almost 130lbs now so I'm pretty comfortable that I've got a pretty good grip on what I need to do here. (Update: as of yesterday I've lost 130.6!) You do what works for you, but as far as your feeling the need to give me advice on what I need to do, if I don't specifically ask you, shut it. Please. Because right now my patience is wearing pretty thin with the people who are doing it. Again, Jess, this does NOT apply to you. You can call bullshit on me anytime because a) you know my shit better than anybody, and b) your opinion means a lot given you're walking the same walk I am, just a little farther down the path!

I guess I better be done now, before it gets really ugly!


  1. Don't you just wish you could tattoo on your forehead "I have lost this weight without your help, I know what the hell I am doing!!!!"

    I think you are doing great and you are one of my main inspiration.

    I am with you, I think unless we ask for an opinion don't give it.

  2. I am SO with you on this one. I never understood why people think it's their place to give unsolicited advice or comments to people about something so personal as their weight. I'm sorry you're having to deal with people like that!

  3. WOW. You robbed my cookie jar of a brain of it's thoughts =). Any time anyone talks to me about my weight loss and begins with a " You know you should..." I feel like just turning around & walking away. This far down the line, I think it's pretty obvious that I know what I'm doing. I've grasped the weight loss concept!

    I hate but hate the " your clothes are too big" comment. People should realize that while it's great to embrace the skin you're in, it's a huge waste of money and we try to prolong the use as long as possible.

    The smiles. Oh, my. A friend of mine actually had the nerve to tell me this recently: "You know, I used to be able to recognize you from far with that huge ass of yours, but now I don't reocgnize you at all". I mustered the strength not to bawl my eyes out. That girl is still me.

    People have absolutely no idea how worthless their 2 cents are sometimes.

    I'm glad you posted this!

  4. I hate to admit this, but every time I see the title of this post I start singing a Britney Spears song in my head called....wait for it.... Freak Show.

    It's on the latest album.