Sunday, January 4, 2009

Time for some perspective....

So after having an emotional few days, I showed up for a rare Saturday personal training session. Before the session, my trainer did a body composition analysis, because I hadn't done one in three months. Wanted to see my progress. I even mentioned to my trainer, the lovely Karen, that today probably wasn't the best day to do it, because if it wasn't good, I might just lose it. (Editor's Note: Karen will not be referred to as evil in this post. Even if she tried to make me do non-sissy girl style push ups...) Nice attitude, right?

Well, she handed me the printout, and although my body fat percentage is down, and my lean body mass is a little down (which is totally normal despite the fact that I actually have more muscle now (for reasons I can explain if you care to know), one thing on that piece of paper just effectively kicked me in the gutt. There it was on paper. In the last 4 months, I've lost 13lbs. Just 13lbs. And I'm working harder than I have in my life. That is not an exaggeration. Just 13lbs. I had already been feeling like crap about myself, and that just sealed the deal for me. I started to cry, right there in the gym. One of the other trainers who was helping out mentioned the "P Word". Plateau. I had not considered that perhaps that's what I have been dealing with. And I really don't know for sure if I am. If so, all I can really do is just keep plugging away as best I know how. If not, all I can really do is just keep plugging away as best I know how.

My trainer Karen said "Are you ready to step it up a notch?" At that point I really wanted to bawl. I didn't, but I felt like I wanted to. Here is my current gym schedule:
Monday-1 hour aerobics class
Tuesday-30 minutes with my trainer, 50 minute Spin class, and usually minimum 30 minutes of elliptical or other cardio.
Wednesday-off day but allegedly will be adding a one hour kickboxing cardio class.
Thursday 30 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes with the trainer, and 1 hour aerobics class
Friday 30-45 minutes of cardio
Saturday 30-45 minutes weight training, 30 minutes of cardio and/or 1 hour aerobics class
Sunday-was doing 30-45 minutes cardio, now switching that to a 90 minute Spin class.

When I hear 'kick it up a notch' the first thing that comes to mind is, how much more do you expect my fat ass to do? Yeah, I could conceivably spend more time at the gym. But does that schedule look like I slack off now? I KNOW Karen doesn't think I do. I know that. But my brain translates it into "people think you're fat and lazy and don't work hard enough." People tell me to workout more all the time. People who don't know my workout routine, primarily. There is a lady at work who routinely tells me to workout more. She's maybe 100lbs soaking wet. And HER exercise schedule is to walk her dog every day for 30 minutes. It infuriates me when she tells me to workout more. Because despite the fact she's skinny and I'm fat, I'm pretty sure my endurance would put her to shame and I'm positive Im stronger than she is in terms of muscle strength. But people continue to assume. And I guess I continue to let them.

So the scale hasn't moved much. But I have to give myself credit here. Look at the workout schedule. Aside from my inspiration Jessica, I work out more than pretty much everybody else I know who isn't employed in the fitness industry. Its really habit now. I insisted on getting in exercise while on vacation. That counts for a lot. To me it does.

And I haven't just thrown in the towel during all my frustration. I keep working at it. I'm pretty proud of that, too.

And yeah, the scale isn't moving much, but my body is changing, clothes are getting big, etc.

So despite the scale, despite that number being the bottom line for so many people, I am not a failure or a slacker. I'm just not.


  1. Two words I would never use to describe you "slacker" or "failure" you are neither of those. You are an inspiration to me. I haven't worked out because of my foot, but even when I was it was nearly as awesome as your workout schedule. I also never worked out on the weekends.

    I aspire to your workout scheudle. I am going back to work tomorrow and will use the gym in the morning and look into what classes they offer.

    Keep up the good work. You are and will always be a ROCKSTAR!!!!

  2. Repeat after me...

    I am a badass.

    I am a badass.

    I constantly challenge myself to be stronger and work harder than ever before.

    I am bad to the bone.

    Yup, that should do it.

  3. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Slacker is the last word I'd ever associate with you. Look, you are burning that fat from the inside. You are seeing changes. You are kicking ASS all over the place.

    Please, don't get get discouraged and please do keep on plugging away and kicking notches up all over the place. You will leave us all in the dust, and we will applaud you! You RULE the SCHOOL!

  4. I concur -- you are the queen of the universe and I don't even know you. How about just switch your crazy gym schedule around and do different things on different days? I AM a slacker, but I hear when you're not that just changing your routine can be really helpful. Plus, you've lost SOOOOOOO much weight. When I first started WW, I lost 50 lbs. I have put some of that back on and my current leader said that if she had been my leader then that she would have suggested that I maybe hang out at that 50 lb level for little while so I could get acclimated, blah blah blah. If you've lost any weight OVER THE HOLIDAYS, then you are being WAAAAAAAAY to hard on yourself!

    But, you already knew that didn't you?

    Hugs from someone who thinks you are a superstar!

  5. Your hard work was what gave me courage to sign up at a gym! I would say "Slacker" shouldn't even be in your vocabulary.

    As for annoying coworkers: Ignore them! I just spent 13 of my 16 days off at the gym, min of 2 hrs per day. I was very sore on Tuesday and my coworker (also just a dog walker) said: "That's what you get or sitting on your butt for the past two weeks, your sore because now you HAVE to MOVE around the office." He's no more worth my time or thoughts than your ignorant coworker.

    Keep up the hard work and keep on inspiring others to get up and move just like you inspired me!

  6. I'm also proud of you, you truly inspire people and your unrelenting goal of never giving up to obtain where and what you want in life. Keep up the good work, stupid thing to say, I know you will. You go Gin.

  7. opps, just noticed I came across as Anonymous.

  8. DON'T GIVE UP!!!! I have been dealing with what you are currently going through for the last 8 mos!!! I get smaller but the scale doesn't show it very much...I think I've lost 6-7 lbs in 8 mos. I work out everyday and really hard!!! The closer you get to where you want to be..the harder it gets....just keep on trucking..YOU ARE A COMPLETE BADASS!!!!